Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came so hard my ears popped.
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