woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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