I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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