there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
