hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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