I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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