Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
