I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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