So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
