these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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