My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
