Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
