where does the pee come out of this thing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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