just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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