I want to make a zoo with you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
