i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
