he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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