Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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