Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
