my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
