Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
