I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
