Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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