I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
