I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
