i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
