She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
