my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
