TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
