I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
vagina is talking i cant
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
