a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
