hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
