He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
