yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
