open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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