I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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