I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
