if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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