She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
