I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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