you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
