Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
