He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
