Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
