i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
