I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
