she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
