I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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