there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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