it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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