My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
