Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
